There is one story I’ll never forget. It was told to me when I was a teen, a story about a “crazy” girl, told to me by one of my “friends”. This past “friend” told me that this girl had borderline, she was insane, she lied, stole and was an emotional wreck, this was my first time ever hearing about borderline. The girl being described sounded deranged, “damn, people with borderline are really crazy” is what I thought, “thank god I only smoke weed, and drink one to many drinks” I used to think. Now imagine being diagnosed with that same disorder a couple of years later, oh, how ironic. For over two years I’ve bitten my tongue, but I no longer feel a reason to be ashamed for an illness I did not choose.
Now I’d like to address why it took me over two years to come forward, which is also the reason why many people don’t get the support and help they need, fear. The moment I got diagnosed with this disorder I felt numb, which was quickly followed by sadness only to be consumed by anger and fear. And who could blame me, the only stories I’ve ever heard about people with borderline were negative, these people are “crazy”, and now I’m one of those. This is one of the reasons I decided to speak about my personality disorder and mental illness in general, there are too many misconceived ideas surrounding these afflictions. Besides all the negative emotions I also felt a bit relieved because finally I was able to get the help that I needed and everyone deserves that same sense of relief.
The only thing holding me back from sharing my story is fear, fear of what people might think, fear of rejection and ridicule, but today I decide to face this fear, simply because my heart is telling me this is the right thing to do. From this day forth besides delicious recipe I’ll be sharing how I’ve brought some positivity and light back into my life, how I get through the bad days and many other topics related to this subject. For now I just want you to know that people with mental illnesses are just like any other people, people. I might be a bit more sensitive than others and things might not come as easily, but I am not crazy.
Now to set some things straight! I am not my disorder, or do I let my disorder dictate my life. For me the diagnosis has always been an indication of some mental illness, which in my case made sense and helped me to get the treatment and help I need. But one thing about borderline and any other disorder that everyone should know is that we are still all individual people and we all have our different symptoms and struggles. So it is impossible to compare people based of their mental illness, some have milder forms than others.
Remember that no matter what your condition everyone you meet has their demons and is fighting a fight of their own, so be kind. No matter how difficult, always try to bring some light into someones life, everyone deserves the same love and affection you yourself long for. And if you yourself are dealing with a mental illness know that you too deserve all the love and respect in the world, and try to be kind to yourselves.
Lastly I’d like to leave you with a link to a website with some more information if you want to know more about borderline personality disorder.
Much love,
A.J.
