This post is dedicated to anyone dealing with mental health issues and their loved ones who support them. You are not alone. I find it difficult to write about this topic but felt inspired to do so. Your views and believes might differ from mine, and that’s ok, difference is what makes us oh so similar.
About four years ago, after years of denial I finally decided to look for help. At this time I remember feeling defeated, because in my world only weak and insane signed themselves up for therapy. There wasn’t a memory in my mind of someone ever telling me it’s ok not to be ok, there were only negative images projected in my mind the moment the word therapy would come up.
Looking back on this entire period of my life it almost feels like a bad dream, I can’t remember much, which makes sense because I was never truly present, but then again there are a couple of moments I’ll never forget, like the day i got my diagnosis. My family was there when they diagnosed me with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), after hearing the news, I went numb. The next thing I remember is sitting in the bus going home, while tears rolled from my eyes, I couldn’t believe it, yet at the same time felt a certain kind of relieve, finally I had been given some answers to what was “wrong” with me.
This sense of relieve didn’t last long as I remembered all the negative things I’ve been told about people with Borderline. How they were negative attention seeking people who only told lies. During this time it would have helped me if I had someone who could shine a positive light on mental illness and personality disorders. Now I’m going ahead and try to paint a picture of what BPD means to me and shine a bright light on something which is often put in a very negative one.
Now I’d like to introduce myself.
Hi I’m A.J. and I’m just your average not so average boy, who loves to cook and share his dishes with his family and friends. Another passion of mind is yoga, this is why I’m currently following a teacher training so I’ll be able to share this practice which gave colour to my life. Through this blog I’m trying to share my bliss, wether this be through delicious plant based recipes or through posts like these. During my spare time I like to hang out with friends and introduce them to new music, as music plays a big part in my life. I’m quite sensitive which can sometimes be overwhelming.
I don’t label myself as someone suffering from borderline, but I’m also not ashamed to share my story, and without the diagnosis wouldn’t have get the help I desperately needed. I’m not aggressive, nor do I lie. During my time at therapy and practicing yoga I have learned to accept emotions, not to judge them and let them in. I no longer hurt myself and am again able to connect with people (and I thank social media for helping me along). Now do I think you can recover from BPD? My short answer would be yes, but this deserves a post by itself.
After years of therapy and being around other people with the same diagnosis I came to the conclusion that even those with personality disorders are all different. Don’t look at negative stories as truth and compare us or yourself with those stories you’ve been told.
Another thing I learned from observing the people in general is that at then end of the day, we are all human, flawed and all. You should never try and fit yourself or anyone else into a perfect picture, since we already are perfectly imperfect as we are. Never let anyone convince you that you aren’t worthy of love or self care self care, whether this is through therapy, yoga, meditation or any other form.
Now I’m finally able to say that I’m slowly moving towards a more bright chapter in my life. One where I no longer need therapy and will be focussing most of my energy into sharing my bliss.
I’m not yet done discussing this topic and bringing awareness to mental health, there is still so much I’d like to share.
Bless your soul and know that deep down you are already whole. All you need to do is to connect all the pieces. And remember, it’s ok not to be ok.
One Love & Take Care,
A.J.
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