First off I want to point out how privileged I am for being able to have little breakdowns every now and then. I know how it is to be in a “survival mode” and am aware there are people living in countries and or situations, who’m might not be able or privileged to live outside of this survival mode. Just wanted to point this out, and I think this topic of privilege deserves a post on its own.
These posts are meant to shine some bright and positive light on more serious and though evoking topics. Now when one of my friends stumbled upon this piece of graffiti, we immediately, without much thought took some fun shots, because why not right? It wasn’t until I edited the pictures I realised we were drawn to this wall for a reason and I finally understood the meaning behind it.
In the past I’ve heard things like “don’t show them your emotions, keep them to yourself and be strong, don’t let them see your weaknesses.” or “don’t be a sissy, real men don’t cry”. Not only these words but also more mental and physical abuse have led many, including me, too shut down and keep to ourselves, because bottling up our emotions means we’re strong right? Like being vulnerable is a weakness. I believed this long enough to let it become my reality, consuming me from the inside out. Let me share with you why I think that being “weak”, actually makes you stronger.
During therapy one of my biggest struggles was opening up, I hated crying, because it was never appreciated, I considered it a weakness, or an opportunity for people to take advantage of my weakness. Now I won’t take you through the entire process, because it took a couple of moons, and to be honest it’s an ongoing process, but I am finally able to be “weak”, and you want to know the funny thing, I’ve never felt so strong. I’m able to live my own truth, regardless of what others might think of me. I’ve found compassion for myself, which helps me find compassion for others, and ultimately makes me feel more connected with the people in my life.
They said boy’s don’t cry? Well this one does, regardless of gender or age, you’re allowed to express your emotions, they aren’t you, they’re simple a part of you. We have them for a reason. There is so much more to say about our emotions, which I’ll definitely touch on, but for now let’s stick with being vulnerable.
You know, sometimes it takes a good cry to find some release, yesterday I taught my first yoga class and the entire day my heart was racing a million beats a minute, or at least that’s what it felt like. At a certain point I just needed a big ugly cry to release all of this stress, which was building up inside. Before the class started I was transparent in my emotions, I was no longer panicky, but felt vulnerable and nervous, I told them, and taught an amazing class afterwards.
Another magical thing that happened when I stared to open up and embrace my emotions is that I started making true and meaningful connections with the people in my life, for this I might be most blessed, I mean I still feel lonely from time to time (especially in a full-blown depression) but for the most part the connections, made through me being more open, have exponentially enriched my life.
Now I’m not telling you to go and throw everything on the table, just start by being kind to yourself, you’re not weak for being human. Share with those that mean a lot to you, and maybe even strangers, who knows what kind of wonderful experiences can come from this. Now for me, I’d rather be vulnerable and “weak”, than to be disconnected and alone with my emotions. Don’t let anyone take this away from you.
I hope you like posts like these, cause there are more to come. I want to use this platform to spread awareness amongst more delicious recipes!
One Love,
A.J.
